Philippines - All the feels

If you ever wonder why Filipinos are known to be such happy, lovely people - it's because they come from a little bit of paradise on earth. 

I didn't know that I needed the Philippines until I went to the Philippines. My trip there was more than a holiday. There is a unique feeling to the place that everyone I met there experienced, but could not quite adequately express. Amazing? Yes. Stunning? Yes. Magical? Yes. I could go on, but what I really need to say is that to experience the Philippines is to experience a feeling. It is a place that gets under your skin. The natural beauty made me feel beautiful and at one with myself in a way I never felt before while travelling. There is no room for being self conscious about oneself in a place so perfect in every way.

We spent the majority of our time in Boracay and El Nido, two massively contrasting places. Boracay is El Nido's rich, slick, older brother. Each have their own charms, but perhaps because we went to Boracay first, it stole my heart and I yearned for it for the rest of my trip. Most of the hotels are along the beachfront, which is marked by 'stations'. We stayed near Station 1, which is the quieter end of the beach with bigger hotels and less people. It was only a short and pleasant walk along the beach to the main stretch where most of the bars and restaurants were. We were ashamed of how little we explored the island itself. We spent the majority of our days on the beach and in the sea. When you see how it is you will understand why. We tried paddle boarding and it was no surprise to me that I was terrible at it. I spent most of my time in downward dog yoga pose because one of the locals told me it was the easiest position to stand up from. That might have been a joke but I did manage to stand up once from there so it did the trick! When you see all the pictures of celebrities doing yoga on paddleboards - don't be impressed. It's easier than standing up trust me!

The nights we spent drinking ridiculously cheap beers and cocktails in various bars on the beach. Not to be missed is the Boracay Pub Crawl. You pay a set amount and get a t-shirt, shot glass and ten free shots that night, along with drinks deals in the various bars you go to. We met great people from around the world and the captains that lead it are amazing fun. We loved it so much we went twice. The second time is cheaper if you already have the t-shirt and shot glass.

My first impression of El Nido was not great. On arrival, I was struck by how grimy and dirty the town was. In Boracay we never saw rubbish anywhere, it was immaculately looked after. El Nido is teeming with backpackers and it shows. I was starting to regret leaving Boracay....THEN I did my first tour; Tour A (there are three main trips A,B and C), all operators offer the same ones although I think the quality slightly differs. We went with El Nido Boutique Arts Cafe, which was recommended in the Lonely Planet guide. Tour A takes you to the lagoons, along with some beaches for swimming and snorkelling. It was absolutely stunning. I realised the attraction of El Nido. El Nido is just base camp for visiting the Bacuit Archipelago. As you sail around, you are surrounded on all sides by small islands, hidden beaches and caves. I also did Tour C which was visiting more hidden beaches, swimming and snorkelling. Just another day in paradise really. I did get stung by jellyfish on Tour C (they were everywhere) but they were babies and it was more irritating to the skin than painful. Nothing the sea water didn't cure. El Nido nightlife? Less flashy than Boracay, think Phi Phi or Siam Reap and you get an idea. I do feel very strongly that you have to go to Trattoria Altrove for their amazing pizza. Yes it's weird getting pizza in the Philippines, but believe me it is worth it (I got two in the 5 nights we were there). It's probably the best pizza I have had outside of Rome. Go early to avoid the queues.

My blog is not as specific as I would usually get when writing about a place. For me the Philippines left a strong impression, not because of one thing that I did, one place I visited or one restaurant that I ate in. It was the place itself; the heart of it, the beauty of it, the spirit of the people. So intoxicating was it that I felt different as a person, just from being there. Some trips are just trips. Some trips really leave a lasting impression on you and change the direction you see yourself going in. No matter the plans we had before going; they went out of the window when we arrived and got swept up in the days we spent there. I recommend that you visit and let the place do the same to you.

Fairy Tales....but not as we know them

It is a common occurrence in society today for single women in their 20s and 30s to lament that their love lives have been spoiled by the fairy tales they read as children (at least it is amongst my friends). We blame our inability to find a sane man willing to commit to us on our unrealistic expectations we learned from fairy tales. As Bonnie Tyler sang 'where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?....Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed, Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need'. Oh dear. I've started quoting Bonnie. Time to move on.

Imagine my delight to find fairy tales the subject of study in my literature module recently. Even better, to be taken by my favourite lecturer who we shall call Richard, because that is his name. A man so charming and charismatic he packs out the lecture hall (even at 9.30am) and has boys and girls alike staring at him in open adulation for the whole one and a half hours. I kid you not. This is a man that makes religious poetry sexy. Imagine what he could do with fairytales. I was not to be disappointed. Except these fairy tales weren't quite how I remembered them.

Take Little Red Riding Hood for example. We all know the story, little red is off to visit granny, wolf tricks her, gets there first, eats granny and then eats her when she arrives (or the huntsman saves her depending on the version you read). Okay, we get the moral; don't talk to strangers and do as your mother tells you. There's nothing sexual about Little Red Riding Hood right? WRONG. In the Charles Perrault story of 1697 (one of the first published versions of the tale) that naughty little red takes her clothes off and climbs into bed with the wolf when he bids her. Unfortunately this gives fresh meaning to the famous 'What big teeth you have Grandmother' 'the better to eat you' exchange. So we already know her to be a silly little fool for being tricked by the wolf but then she goes and jumps into bed with him! Sound familiar? Uh-huh. So dear Charles decided to give us a little moral at the end of the tale, in case we didn't pick up on the message within. To be honest I might not have done but Richard was fortunately on hand to point it out. Nearly 430 years on the moral still rings true so here it is for your benefit:

One sees here that young children,

Especially young girls

Pretty, well brought up, and gentle,

Should never listen to anyone who happens by,

And if this occurs, it is not so strange

When the wolf should eat them.

I say the wolf, for all wolves

Are not of the same kind.

There are some with winning ways,

Not loud, nor bitter, or angry,

Who are tame, good-natured, and pleasant

And follow young ladies

Right into their homes, right into their alcoves.

But alas for those who do not know that of all the wolves

the docile ones are those who are most dangerous.

Hear hear! I've learned my lesson. I shall certainly not be letting any men, I mean wolves, into my alcove. Especially not the quiet ones. Not tonight anyway.

So now that we've learned that Little Red Riding Hood was a bit of a whore, what other fairy tale heroine could we move on to desecrate? How about dear Cinderella? As one of the most popular fairy tales around and the creator of the legendary Prince Charming, that every girl has been waiting for since she heard about him, it's hard to see how this could be so bad. Actually, you will be pleased to know that Cinderella herself remains largely unblemished by digging deeper into the tale. However, just when I thought we were going to leave the lecture just learning that it helps children deal with sibling rivalry, we have a little chat about Prince Charming finding that Cinderella's foot is the perfect fit for the glass slipper. Suddenly Richard breaks in with a little laugh and 'of course, I think that you all know that the foot and slipper is a metaphor for the male and female genitalia'. Um, no. Actually I think we didn't. But we do now, thanks very much.

So the fairy tales had it right all along. Prince Charming wasn't looking for his true love, he was just trying to find the perfect vajayjay for his pee-pee. Some things never change.