Witch hunts? Nope. This time the witches are hunting....

It's been an interesting few weeks in the media. Seeing sexual predators like Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey exposed has had a ripple effect stretching much further than Hollywood. It has bought to centre stage something which we all already knew if we are really honest. Some men in positions of power abuse this power. Most women have been subjected to some form of sexual harassment whether deeply affected by it, or so conditioned by society as to not even see it as out of the ordinary. One thing that has been particularly frustrating about the response to this media storm (aside from the victim blaming and misogynistic defenders of men's rights of course) is the use of the term 'witch hunt'. Witch hunt is the new buzzword - rather akin to the equally moronic 'snowflake' so favoured by people who consider being 'liberal' a weakness. It has even been used to describe the treatment of Donald Trump. Apparently a man being accused by several people of unacceptable (and in some cases criminal) behaviour constitutes a witch hunt. Sorry, I'm not buying this one.

Shall we take the time to remember what witch hunts really were? We can trace most of our knowledge back to the infamous Salem witch trials in 17th century America. Spawning books, films and TV series, people are fascinated at what prompted around 200 people to be accused of witchcraft and 20 people to be executed.However, this was just the tip of the iceberg. Across Europe it is estimated that tens of thousands of people were killed in similar trials. Around 75% of those killed were women. Often baseless accusations were aimed at people in society who perhaps did not conform to the religious or behavioural expectations of the time. The subsequent 'convictions' were often based on superstition, mass hysteria and testimony the likes of which seem laughable today. Some had their hands and feet tied and were immersed in water. If they floated (being rejected by the water) then they were found guilty. If they sank and subsequently drowned, then they were innocent. In this case, being innocent was not really to your advantage. We can easily look back now and wonder how this can have happened.

When we have had that reminder, it really shows that using the term witch hunt to describe what happens in today's society is pretty ridiculous. Will we really look back in 300 years at the downfall of Harvey Weinstein with the same horror? I don't think so. Hopefully we will look back and wonder why it did not happen sooner. Women now are being empowered to come forward about something that has traditionally not been an easy thing to do. And yet even though they are the victims, they are still treated as if they have done something wrong. Questions are asked of them - why didn't they come forward sooner? Why did they go to his hotel room? Were they drinking? Who have they dated before? It goes on and on. If this is a trial by media, then who is really on trial here - the accused or the victim? When we look at it like this, if this was a witch hunt then the ones on trial are still the women.

The men accused recently all have the opportunity and the means to defend themselves against the allegations made about them. It is worth noting that even though men like Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have literally released statements admitting their behaviour, there are still people defending them and casting doubt. This in itself would be a whole other blog which would need to go further into exactly what scares so many in society about empowered women? However, here I will just use it to make the point that there is no persecution of men in these stories. For everyone who condemns their behaviour, you will find someone else with a robust defensc. Don't believe me? Just check Twitter - or if you fancy really having your soul destroyed, the Daily Mail comments section usually does the trick.

The irony of using this term to defend men might be lost on a lot of people, but it is there nonetheless. This is a case where once again women have been by and large the victims. The so called witches of hundreds of years ago may not have had the means to defend themselves, but the tide is turning. This is no witch hunt. This time the 'witches' are fighting back.

Has honesty gone out of fashion?

It has been said that we are living in a ‘post-truth’ era. So much so that post-truth was Oxford Dictionaries’ International word of 2016. Surely no coincidence that 2016 was also the year of Brexit and Donald Trump. It has become widespread practice for politicians and people in positions of trust to abuse their power to lie to the people that elect them. A large percentage of the general public are happy to base their political decisions on lies and propaganda that they are fed to them by the partisan media. One could argue it has always been this way, but surely the internet and social media have exacerbated the problem.

Is the problem that dishonesty is so much a part of our everyday culture that we cannot see that it could be any other way? We all lie, so why should we expect anyone to be above that? Perhaps herein lies the problem. A study in deception found that 60% of people cannot have a ten minute conversation without lying. Everywhere you look on social media - people are stating facts and figures which have no basis in truth. Or perhaps, even more so, showing snapshots of their life which portray a lie. Why do we feel the need to lie or mislead? Are we scared of the judgement of others, scared it will not get us what we ultimately want - professionally and personally? If our society rewards liars and manipulators, then what incentive is there to tell the truth? It appears that few are able to rely on their integrity when faced with the chance to advance their own agenda.

It is perhaps not so simple to say we should tell the truth all the time. I mean do we really need to tell Granny that the jumper she made for Christmas is never going to see the light of day? Or the colleague that kindly made cakes for the office that they were actually inedible?  With the intention only to spare the feelings of another, should we feel guilty for a little white lie? A study by the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania gave participants a series of scenarios and asked them to judge the forms of lying as being good or bad. The study found that  'Individuals with altruistic intentions are perceived to be more moral, more benevolent, and more honest, even when they lie.'. The general opinion was that if the lie would benefit the person being lied to then it was 'good', but if it would have no effect or a negative effect on the person being lied to then it was 'bad'. This might be a good time to be honest with ourselves. How many times does the lie we tell really benefit the person we are lying to? If we are honest with ourselves, are the majority of lies not self-serving?

The key here may be in us all having a greater understanding of when we are being lied to and a person's motivation for doing so. Trust is an integral part of any relationship - family member, partner, friend, colleague. Once you break that down you are left with very little. It is time to realise that when we are hurt because we have been lied to or cheated by people we care about, the issue lies with their inability to confront the truth and we need to decide if there is space in our lives for those kind of people. They may have convinced themselves there is a good reason for the lie, but if the lie causes pain to another - there is no good reason. The people truly worth our time will make sure we don't have a reason to distrust them. Once we can balance this is in our everyday lives, perhaps we can finally feel more confident in holding people in positions of power to account. 

One of the worst things about the rise of dishonesty, appears to be the apathy we have developed to being lied to. We seem to expect this to be something that happens and just to accept it as the way things are. A case in point is the infamous Vote Leave campaign bus with the slogan 'We send the EU £350 million a week, let's fund our NHS instead'. Never mind that the UK doesn't send the EU £350 per week (official Treasury figures show that in 2016/17 the UK contribution was £156 million a week), but more importantly Vote Leave MPs have themselves said there was never any intention to transfer that money to the NHS instead and that it was just an 'example' of what could be done with the money. How incredibly naive to say it would not have been interpreted that way by a large percentage of the voting public. Why was there not widespread outrage that politicians feel the public could be lied to in such a way over such a big issue? Because we can be. Because really, we all expect it. 'All politicans are the same' - how many times have you heard that said? It's time we stop expecting the worst and start demanding more. If we cannot rely on people to tell us the truth, then we have a responsibility to educate ourselves more so that we know when we are being lied to and can judge our reaction accordingly.

How can you stay sane in the post truth era? It's certainly difficult for anyone that values the truth and honesty. However those people are the most valuable right now. I think we have to never stop challenging what we are told, but also never stop challenging ourselves and those around us to be better. If we look in the mirror at the end of the day, can we really feel happy that the person we represented to those around us was our true self? Now more than ever, we need people prepared to stand up for what is right. Telling the truth appears to have gone out of fashion lately, but like all good trends, I think it is time for a comeback.

I am begging you, please vote

Even if you 'don't like' politics, please spare me five minutes to read this. I have been wanting to always vote:

write this post for a while now. Now seemed very timely after the local election results of yesterday. Reports are suggesting just a 30% turnout to vote. Just 30% of people wanted to have a say on the people representing their local area? How can this be? Now is such a crucial time for us. Society is more divided than ever and the gap between the haves and the have-nots is only growing. This is a time for everyone to use their voice and yet more people are turning away from doing so. Here are five reasons I think you should:

1 - You can. What a simple one. What a beautiful thing to live in a democratic country and be able to take it totally for granted. We must never forget that around the world there are countries where people have no say in their future. People still fight and die to make their voices heard. Personally I never forget that just 100 years ago I would not have been allowed to vote. Women sacrificed and died to win me that right so how on earth could I not use it? What if our right to vote were taken away? Surely those same people that do not bother to vote now would be up in arms if someone told them they were not allowed to vote, but their next door neighbour still can. You do not believe your next door neighbour should have more of a say in the running of your country than you do you? Yet every time you do not vote you allow them that.

2 - You should care. I have to say this one drives me crazy. Heck, I even have a few friends that I have been trying to have a political rant with and they say something like 'I just don't really care about politics, it doesn't affect me'. Now look, I know I am an insufferable know-it-all a lot of the time and maybe they just don't want to get into it with me, but come on. You can't even care a little bit? We can talk about TV shows, music, selfies, anything but the state of society? Politics doesn't affect you? Do you use the NHS? Were you educated in a state school? Do you pay taxes? Politics affects everyone. This brings me nicely to my next point.....

3 - You are not an island. Being able to say that politics does not affect you is a sign of your

privilege. Politics does affect you, but if you don't realise it then it probably means you are not currently a marginalised group in society. Does it mean you shouldn't care? I don't have to go to a food bank because I can't afford to eat, but that doesn't mean it makes me any less angry that the number of people that do have to is growing. I can afford private healthcare, but it doesn't make me worry less for the people that rely on the NHS to save their lives on a daily basis. How did we become a society where so many people only care for themselves and what affects them? In my opinion this isolationism is the saddest thing about our current society. Sometimes people cannot speak for themselves and they need people in a position of greater power to do it for them.

4 - You do have the time. I am the sort of person that doesn't have time to go to the gym after work but I have time to come home, binge watch a few episodes of a TV series and eat a tub of ice cream. Let's be honest, it's not about having time, you do have the 30 minutes spare to drop by your local polling station. It's about whether you really want to. My friend had twin babies a few weeks before the EU referendum. She still drove to the polling booth with them and left her mum in the car while she went in to vote.  I was working in Ireland when that same vote took place, I went to the town hall before my trip to arrange for a friend to vote by proxy for me,Because it is important. It's more important than your gym class. It's more important than going to the pub. It's more important than taking a few selfies. It's a few minutes out of one day for a say in the future of your country. Get your priorities straight.

5 - You will regret it if you don't. Sounds a bit ominous, but I don't mean it in a 'or else' kind of way. I mean one day, the impact of what is happening in your country will affect you or someone you know. Maybe you will need hospital treatment, but cannot get it. Maybe your children will suffer the results of a failing education system. Maybe someone you know will be assaulted or subject to a hate crime. Then you will realise that everyone has a responsibility to speak up and act for a better society for everyone. You see, it is not pointless to vote. If every single person that could, got informed and voted, I believe we would live in a better world than we do right now. The thing with democracy is that everyone has a say. That includes racists, sexists, xenophobes et al. These kinds of people also feel way more strongly about voting than your average person. You can be sure the people with hateful views are in that polling booth - why aren't you?

I am sorry if this was preachy - any of my friends will tell you that's kind of my style. Try to look past that. The upcoming general election needs a big turn out. We need people to mobilise to prevent the rising tide of fascism that seems to be sweeping the West. If you don't like the major political parties then do your homework. The Green party made gains in this local election and have the potential to grow even more. There will be local independent candidates that may offer the policies you are most attracted to. Whatever you do, please vote. Please care - about yourself and about others.

Lastly, if my political posts annoy you. then please feel free to unfollow me. I am not going to stop caring just because you did.

Philippines - All the feels

If you ever wonder why Filipinos are known to be such happy, lovely people - it's because they come from a little bit of paradise on earth. 

I didn't know that I needed the Philippines until I went to the Philippines. My trip there was more than a holiday. There is a unique feeling to the place that everyone I met there experienced, but could not quite adequately express. Amazing? Yes. Stunning? Yes. Magical? Yes. I could go on, but what I really need to say is that to experience the Philippines is to experience a feeling. It is a place that gets under your skin. The natural beauty made me feel beautiful and at one with myself in a way I never felt before while travelling. There is no room for being self conscious about oneself in a place so perfect in every way.

We spent the majority of our time in Boracay and El Nido, two massively contrasting places. Boracay is El Nido's rich, slick, older brother. Each have their own charms, but perhaps because we went to Boracay first, it stole my heart and I yearned for it for the rest of my trip. Most of the hotels are along the beachfront, which is marked by 'stations'. We stayed near Station 1, which is the quieter end of the beach with bigger hotels and less people. It was only a short and pleasant walk along the beach to the main stretch where most of the bars and restaurants were. We were ashamed of how little we explored the island itself. We spent the majority of our days on the beach and in the sea. When you see how it is you will understand why. We tried paddle boarding and it was no surprise to me that I was terrible at it. I spent most of my time in downward dog yoga pose because one of the locals told me it was the easiest position to stand up from. That might have been a joke but I did manage to stand up once from there so it did the trick! When you see all the pictures of celebrities doing yoga on paddleboards - don't be impressed. It's easier than standing up trust me!

The nights we spent drinking ridiculously cheap beers and cocktails in various bars on the beach. Not to be missed is the Boracay Pub Crawl. You pay a set amount and get a t-shirt, shot glass and ten free shots that night, along with drinks deals in the various bars you go to. We met great people from around the world and the captains that lead it are amazing fun. We loved it so much we went twice. The second time is cheaper if you already have the t-shirt and shot glass.

My first impression of El Nido was not great. On arrival, I was struck by how grimy and dirty the town was. In Boracay we never saw rubbish anywhere, it was immaculately looked after. El Nido is teeming with backpackers and it shows. I was starting to regret leaving Boracay....THEN I did my first tour; Tour A (there are three main trips A,B and C), all operators offer the same ones although I think the quality slightly differs. We went with El Nido Boutique Arts Cafe, which was recommended in the Lonely Planet guide. Tour A takes you to the lagoons, along with some beaches for swimming and snorkelling. It was absolutely stunning. I realised the attraction of El Nido. El Nido is just base camp for visiting the Bacuit Archipelago. As you sail around, you are surrounded on all sides by small islands, hidden beaches and caves. I also did Tour C which was visiting more hidden beaches, swimming and snorkelling. Just another day in paradise really. I did get stung by jellyfish on Tour C (they were everywhere) but they were babies and it was more irritating to the skin than painful. Nothing the sea water didn't cure. El Nido nightlife? Less flashy than Boracay, think Phi Phi or Siam Reap and you get an idea. I do feel very strongly that you have to go to Trattoria Altrove for their amazing pizza. Yes it's weird getting pizza in the Philippines, but believe me it is worth it (I got two in the 5 nights we were there). It's probably the best pizza I have had outside of Rome. Go early to avoid the queues.

My blog is not as specific as I would usually get when writing about a place. For me the Philippines left a strong impression, not because of one thing that I did, one place I visited or one restaurant that I ate in. It was the place itself; the heart of it, the beauty of it, the spirit of the people. So intoxicating was it that I felt different as a person, just from being there. Some trips are just trips. Some trips really leave a lasting impression on you and change the direction you see yourself going in. No matter the plans we had before going; they went out of the window when we arrived and got swept up in the days we spent there. I recommend that you visit and let the place do the same to you.

Did the sisterhood ever really exist?

'If we stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by who we are, we can all be a lot freer' - Emma Watson

It's been a while since I wrote a blog post. There's something about working full time that seems to have the ability to take all your time and creativity. Lately though (and in particularly since November 2016), I have found more and more things I want to speak out on.

Today I wanted to post about something that has been niggling me lately. It is an issue close to me as I approach 34, but I think it is a wider issue in society as a whole. After all, the personal is political. I am referring to the tendency of women to judge other women. I have touched on it in previous blogs and really nothing has changed. It could even be getting worse. Women are more vocal about feminism, more supportive of each others choices and rights, and yet we cannot stop looking at each other and comparing the choices we have made in our lives. We all do it. What about the men I hear you say? Well I think men make our lives hard enough, sure they do, but I think this issue is a strictly female one. While men will support each other, women can be more inclined to tear each other down. You can see it every day on social media.

I'm going to put this out there now. Some people are going to say, 'well yeah duh' and some will be like 'ah sure, rabid feminist alert' but I don't care, I truly believe this. Hillary Clinton lost to Donald Trump because she was a woman. I am simplifying a very complex issue down to the bare bones here, but there you have it. Let me phrase it another way, only a woman could have lost to Donald Trump. On paper, stack them up side by side and the least qualified candidate won. It happens in jobs all over the world when the most qualified candidate is a woman. That's because, although the 'boys club' lives on and thrives, women cannot seem to commit wholeheartedly to the 'sisterhood'. Exit polls suggested that 53% of white women voted for Donald Trump. How on earth any woman could vote for a man they heard on tape bragging about sexual assault is beyond me, but they 'just did not like' Hillary. I would like to add as a disclaimer that women of colour actually came out in force for Hillary, but theirs is a different experience to mine and I will not speak on it.

I'll pull you back from politics now before I lose you. I could write a million blogs on that subject, but I actually want to bring you back to more mundane day to day stuff. Now I am 33, single and with no children, my marital status is one of the first things I am asked. When people realise I don't have children, the next question is usually 'do you want childen?'. I say people, but it's women. It's not men that ask me that question and that is why I say, as women, we have got to stop. We have to stop judging, we have to stop imposing our own desires onto others, we have to stop trying to 'help' people that are simply choosing to go down a different path. Maybe I don't want children. Maybe I cannot have children. If that is the case, would it not be painful for me every time someone asked? Maybe I cry every night because I want to meet the love of my life (I don't by the way, just some nights), so when my friend sends me yet another suggestion on ways to find a man would it not be painful for me? Most of the time the intention is good. But they do say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I don't see the same expectation being placed on men. Why is a single man in his thirties a bachelor who just needs to have some fun before he settles down, while a single woman in her thirties must be a desperate spinster trying to decide whether to freeze her eggs or not?! This is just one example of the expectations women put on other women. I highlighted this one because it bugs me in particular at this time in my life. Every day though women judge other women for the way they dress, who they date, how they speak, the careers they chose, the way they behave, etc etc. The list goes on, I could write a blog on each one and how damaging they are. Women even judge each other on the feminist movement they identify with (that's a whole different issue!). I believe women now have a responsibility to think about the impact their unconscious actions (even their thoughts) have on other women. We are holding each other back every time we reduce each other down to a basic societal expectation of what it means to be a woman.

For me, feminism is about women having equality, freedom and choice. That is the choice to be whoever they want to be, go wherever they want to go, fuck whoever they want to fuck (you get the point). So all of us need to consider this when we look to the women in our life who maybe don't have the kind of life we do, or want what we want. Instead of shoehorning each other into this one size fits all idea of what a woman should be, we should be embracing each others differences, encouraging each other to live life and follow the path that truly makes us happy. For some, that's a little house in a small town with a husband and children. For some, it's travelling the world alone and experiencing new things daily. For others it's getting married eight times (go Liz!). There was a time in the not so distant past when having this choice was not an option. Women did what was expected of them and the ones that dared rebel, joined the ranks of fallen women before them. We have come a long way, but as Hillary Clinton learned last year - we still have a long way to go.