As if you don't feel you might be somewhat approaching desperado status by going speed dating, the companies promoting such events do nothing to reassure you. I booked on-line and the page straight after confirming a place for my two friends and I, was headed 'the following books may interest you' and then showed a list of books such as 'flirting for dummies' and 'successful internet dating'. Obviously if you go speed dating you need such guidance on how to deal with the opposite sex.
Not to be deterred, we set off, clad as the website advised in jeans, nice tops and accessories (yes, really that was their advice, heaven forbid we forget our accessories). First port of call was a pub near the venue to knock back a couple of glasses of vino for dutch courage. Whilst we mulled over the potential for disaster the night had, we also became rather paranoid that every male in the pub was potentially headed to the same destination as us. This resulted in us whispering and looking round the pub maniacally, thus preventing any sane man who would have wanted to approach us normally from doing so. Was speed dating actually sabotaging our dating chances? After a while of this there was no putting it off any longer and we headed to our fate.
I had decided to apply my usual motto to the night 'if in doubt, get hammered' and so proceeded to prop up the bar and run to the toilet in equal measure before things got under way. The girls were then all assigned a table while the boys moved round every four minutes. What followed was pretty standard making of small talk. I mean four minutes is not a lot of time, really you can talk to anyone for that long. Slightly embarrassing moment in the middle of one date when due to my colossal wine consumption I had to run to the toilet and leave the poor guy sitting there. Comparing notes after the event he was the guy that told me he was a horse trainer, one of my friends that he was a show jumper (not likely as he was the size of a horse) and my other friend that he was a mini bus driver (obviously not trying too hard to impress her), so I don't feel too bad about that now.
As the night went on and I took every possible chance to visit the bar (these guys were so much more entertaining after a lot of wine) things went downhill quite fast. One cheeky chappy, car salesman asked me why I was there and when I said I thought it would be fun he warned me not to say that because the guys would think I was just there for sex. Of course with my humour (and drunkness) I gave a little shrug and laugh and said something along the lines of 'and?'. This was a mistake because when we had a midway break he went around telling everyone I was there for sex. I mean really, isn't everyone?? This then resulted in one guy sitting down for our date and saying 'ah you're Donna, we were talking about you in the corner'. Making an impression as always.
An hour of dates later, it's the end of the night and whilst I plan on comparing notes and joking with the girls about the night we are converged on by the men to join us. Unfortunately we are the only girls that stay and so an awkward little situation occurs with pretty much all the guys trying to join the table and talk to us. I'm too drunk at this point to care who I am talking to or what about. Apparently I did okay though as afterwards one of my friends describes it as me holding court at the table. Can't think what she is trying to say there. I do know I had a very fun night though.
I know what you're thinking. It sounds a disaster. Did I even match with anyone? Well, yes actually, but that's another story.....
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